Anna Bayle as high school scholar at Philippine Science High School (Photo from PSHS Lagablab yearbook)
It was in my sixth grade at Stella Maris College when the nuns announced that they would give an entrance exam for a “special school” to the top three students of the class. I did not even apply for this; it was just given to me by default. I always thought I would continue on, like both my older sisters, studying in an all girls’ school—that was not to be my fate.
One day, I was informed that I did pass and was chosen to be one of the lucky 157 12- and 13-year-olds, out of the thousands of students that took this exam all over the Philippines (a country with 7000 islands). I read recently that there are 20,000 applications for acceptance each year. That would put me in the very top 1 percent of the applicants. At that age, I did not grasp the relevance nor the enormity of what I accomplished. I did not know the school. It is only later that I learned that Philippine Science High School is a public school funded by the government to promote excellence in Math and the Sciences. Compared to my current school, this school was very far from where we lived in Cubao; my current school was only a three-minute jeepney ride from my home. I was perfectly happy going on to be a “collegiala.”
It was only when I learned that tuition and books were free and that we were going to be paid a stipend to study (140 pesos a month in the early 70’s, and now 50 years later, about 4000 pesos a month). I thought that would ease the burden for my Dad who worked three jobs and my mother supporting a family of seven. I was one less for them to worry about. That was a lot of money for a teenager and I was really getting annoyed that all my clothes and shoes were hand-me-downs from my two older sisters. With that kind of money, I could buy whatever I wanted.
Fans post in Anna Bayle FB page.
The icing on the cake was when I heard my Mama and Papa teasing each other about where my genes came from. They both claimed the “intelligence genes.” Even though I was a consistent A student in grade school, they were really stoked about my acceptance to this prestigious school that I was not familiar with. They were so impressed by it that they gave me my own small bedroom, while my brothers and sisters had to share a room, albeit it was the biggest room in the house.
For someone who was competing for the love of my parents, I found out that being a scholar was an avenue to getting more recognition
For someone who was competing for the love of my parents, I found out that being a scholar was an avenue to getting more recognition and to standing out among my high achieving sisters. I tried so very hard to be “the favorite,” and this was an easier way to achieve that. And so I was plucked out of a nun’s school and inserted in a public co-educational school that had a very advanced curriculum.
I was a fish out of water in this school. There were boys and all these classmates of mine seemed very sharp. I honestly believe, of the 157 students in the roster, I probably got the number 155th or 156th spot. If I think of what my classmates are now, and their accomplishments, it did confirm my belief that I was low in the totem pole of high IQs.
For a start, we were put in grades and the first year’s class sections were planets. Except there was a class called Sun—and then beside them was Jupiter, then Saturn, then Uranus, then Neptune. Of course, I was in Neptune. (as if we did not guess that Sun students were the cream of the crop) I did not compete with these other students because it was hard enough to pass and make sure I got good grades to keep my scholarship. The first year was also a learning experience for me as I had to quietly navigate co-existing with the opposite sex.
The PSHS campus was a rectangular pre-fabricated building such as you see in typical Third World countries, made of gray cement blocks and corrugated tin roofs. There was a plain rectangular courtyard in the middle covered in Bermuda grass. It was so that when the bell rang, as everyone poured out of the classrooms, one could see the whole student body in the covered wide walkways just outside the classrooms when classes were let out.
It was in this third year, at 15, that I cut my teeth in this game called life
The second year (1972) got easier, but then, there was political unrest in the country, and some of my classmates and other older batch students decided to join the fight. Some of the students joined the protesters and even went to the mountains to fight with the rebels. I remember being so confused then as it was a difficult choice for a youngster like me. There was a call to boycott classes to protest but maybe I was naïve, or I was simply apolitical.
ROTC Training photos from PSHS yearbook
In our third year, we moved to the newly built PSHS campus. We had to shuttle from the old building to the new, walking through a wide open grass field and soccer court. Here was a year of basketball games and military training uniforms, with the student body marching every Saturday. It was in this third year, at 15, that I cut my teeth in this game called life.
So for three years, since the first day of school. I had my eye on a tall batchmate from another class. He was mestizo and had the uncanny habit of wearing bright short sleeved shirts (red and orange) that I could espy from far away. I would always wait for the bell to ring to signal the class period and rush out of my classroom just so I could see his tall figure coming out of his classroom.
I was crushing on this boy, big time! He was my very first love and I tightly guarded my secret for three long years. No one of my best girlfriends knew; they might have guessed, but his name never escaped my lips. My thoughts and feelings for this boy were mine alone, and so sacred to me. It was as if, if I told anyone, my intimate wish and my imagined “magic to come” would disappear.
We always had a party every year at the end of the schoolyear. On the last day of school in our third year, I was in front of the school building, ready to get picked up from school. To my surprise, this boy, Roland Madamba, approached me, and asked, “Are you going to the party tonight?” I replied, “Yes”. “Can I take you to the party?” he asked. I demurely said yes.
My heart was pounding when he walked away with a smile on his face and I was filled with so much joy. I decided to cancel my plans with some of the girls and to get beauty sleep so that I would be beautiful when he picked me up that night. I remember falling into deep sleep on my bed and dreamt of him and his best friend. I dreamt we were sitting astride in the front section of a jeepney going on a trip to Tuguegarao where his best friend, Randy Quinan, was from, when I woke up to the phone ringing loudly.
Roland and Randy were crossing the fields of the school when they were hit by lightning. Roland died instantly
PSHS yearbook tribute to Roland and Randy
I was stirring from deep sleep, and my awareness was still fuzzy when my mother came into my bedroom. She informed me that another parent called to say that two boys, Roland and Randy, were crossing the school field when they were hit by lightning. Apparently, Roland, who was very tall had his arms around the shoulder of his friend Randy. Roland died instantly, and Randy was rushed to a nearby hospital but did not make it, as well.
I was speechless and in a duster and with bare feet, I ran out of my bedroom, out of our house towards the gate and into the street. I did not know where I was going but my instinct was to run back to school. Thankfully, my father, who was on his way home, stopped me on the street. He had to shake me and ask, “Where are you going?” “I need to go to school!”
When he realized what was happening, he tried to calm me down and said he’d take me anywhere I needed to be. After that, everything was just a blur…..thoughts and images were jumbled in my mind….things that I wanted to erase from my memory, because they were just too painful.
The following days felt like everything was in slow motion. Something snapped into two inside me and I could not put it back together again. I would just sit quietly staring into space, thinking of nothing. I was still in shock and for some moments I thought I would go mad! The bodies were interred in the school, and for several days and nights there was a vigil in the school cafeteria.
I remember one morning, I was sitting on the far side of the cement benches in front of the school building, when there was a small commotion. Several of my classmates surrounded this tall, beautiful woman. It was the mother of Roland. I did not approach. I continued to sit numbly where I was. They were about 15 feet away when I heard my name mentioned by the woman. “Who is Anabelle Bayle?” And still, I could not get myself to get up and get near her.
Statuesque highschooler Anna Bayle in PSHS yearbook page
When one of my good girlfriends approached me, I asked why my name was mentioned. My girlfriend told me that Roland’s mother went to her son’s bedroom and saw his big boots sprawled on the floor. His grieving mother went to see and touch her son’s belongings when she saw the typewriter on his study desk with a sheet of paper with something written on it. My girlfriend told me that on the white piece of paper in the typewriter was my name “Anabelle Bayle” typed over and over, covering the entire page.
I never talked to Roland’s mom. And even if I did, what could I possibly say to her? My grief was already too much for me and at that age, I did not have the grace to comfort her. That was a horrible summer of 1973 and it was very traumatic for all of us in my batch.
PSHS yearbook photos of the choir that included the supermodel-to-be
At the start of our 4rth year of school after that dreadful summer, my classmates seemed to have bounced back, but I was still in a state of numbness, not understanding ‘WHY’…..not understanding ‘WHY on that particular day?’….not understanding WHY I kept my feelings for this guy to myself for three long years. It was very hard for my 15-year-old mind to process the feelings. So I went to school like a zombie. I did not care much about my appearance. I was always looking out the window, staring into nothingness, like the crazy Sisa in Noli Me Tangere.
Then one day, I found a letter in one of my books. It was from one of my male classmates, Ramon Tayag (cousin of the famous chef and artist, Claude Tayag). It was a simple and gentle letter just asking how I was. The letter took me by surprise, and I was compelled to respond by letter, as well. This letter exchange went on for weeks until I was able to release all the feelings and thoughts inside of me. I did not necessarily open up to Ramon about my long, lost love but just talking to him via the letters was therapy for me. My classmate Ramon took me out of the malaise I was in and nursed my soul back to life.
I have known my high school classmates for 54 years. They are a big part of my youth, and together we share an unmistakable bond
This September 2024 is our 50th anniversary of graduating from PSHS. We have celebrations planned in the Philippines for 12 straight days. It is a pity I am not able to attend as I said yes to a photo shoot feature with a Philippine fashion magazine to be shot in New York. I have known my high school classmates for 54 years! They are a big part of my youth and together we share an unmistakable bond. They even dedicated a friendship grandstand to the two classmates of ours who have departed, and others who have also left this world.
It made me think of the child inside of me and how things that happened in my youth shaped the way I am. I remember being described by the New York Times as a “steel butterfly” of fashion. I know what happened to me has hardened me and prepared me to be strong and immovable. A very good gay friend told me to call my book (the book I am writing) “Cast in Lava,” as he knows me and my life stories only too well. I have been through a lot in my life, which only made me stronger. This was just one of the many stories I have that shaped me.
Thinking back, I am very grateful to my alma mater. I learned a whole lot about myself in the four years that I was at Philippine Science High School. First of all, it taught me to be independent. Since I was 13, I have never relied on anyone to support me. It is a very good exercise for the youth to learn. I got paid to study, and I did do just that. It is very rewarding to know that one can take care of oneself. We just have to lean in and apply ourselves. Whatever we choose to do in life we must do it well, and we will be rewarded for the hard work. I think it is with this discipline that I was able to sustain many years of professionalism that all the designers hired me for.
The second lesson I learned is to not compare myself with others. Being in this prestigious school gave me all the confidence I needed. Because when I got to be around my classmates, I immediately understood that I could not compare myself to them. They were all very smart. If you want to know how smart, one of my classmates, Napoleon Poblador, graduated, summa cum laude from Harvard Law. One is the dean of architecture at UP, Dani Sylvestre. One is a renowned Philippine historian, Rico Jose, who has written so many books. One is the IT Queen of the Philippines, Helen Macasaet, who has been asked by the government to advise on the Philippines’ strategic economic plans. One is an esteemed oceanographer who guards the world oceans, Liana Talaue. Many are very successful doctors here and abroad. Many are engineering graduates who run the Fortune 500 companies in the Philippines. I learned earlier on to not compete.
So when I entered the world of fashion, I never compared myself to the other models. My way of thinking was always “They are all so very beautiful. I am grateful to be one of them.”
There is no need to compete……in me, there is only a will and determination to be unique or different.
The most precious thing I learned was to say ‘I love you’ to family and friends with ease because I know that I might never get the chance
And in the end, the most precious thing I learned from my youth, which I think is the most important for me, I learned to express myself. I learned not to hold back what I am feeling. I learned how to say “I love you” to family and friends as I know, I might never get the chance to express my feelings. I learned to say thank you when it was warranted; To say sorry when it is warranted. This was the greatest lesson to be learned for me, then.
It is in this spirit of speaking my truth that I say thank you to the school that fostered this humble 13-year-old, Philippine Science High School. And for the years of my youth with the 89’ers, my batchmates at PSHS for 54 years. (89 was the number of students when we graduated). Being with you for four formative years, I can only be thankful for what we shared, how it has shaped and molded my path. I am sincerely grateful.
