Actress and artist Shamaine Centenera-Buencamino (Photo by MJ Suayan)
(In 2015, actors Nonie and Shamaine Buencamino lost their youngest daughter Julia to suicide at age 15. Since then, they have established the Julia Buencamino Foundation, which has advocated mental health awareness in different fora. “Of Angels and Julia” is Shamaine’s first exhibit of artworks, which opened Sept. 20 and runs until Oct. 20 on the ground floor of the Mamerto G. Nepomuceno (MGN) Building of the Holy Angel University in Angeles City, Pampanga. She is joined by artists who painted benches for the exhibit: Datu Arellano, Pablo Biglang-Awa, Benjie Cabangis, Jon Red, Cecilia Herras-Tence, Jun Ureta, and Ian Victoriano. The exhibit will tour several schools in Pampanga, and one bench will be donated to each school.)
Pain motivates me to paint because when I paint, that pain disappears.
‘Yellow is the Color of My Memories,’ acrylic, paper, modeling paste, 48 x 36 inches, 2025
When the pandemic happened, taping lockdowns were pretty severe, with actors sometimes going for two weeks alone in a room. That was when I took online visual arts classes. I fell into a hole of art practices that promised to heal. My advocacy to promote mental health was totally supported by this journey. It excited me to find out if it would work for me, so I could suggest it to people struggling with psychological pain.
The process has to be playful. Art to work as medicine must be practiced with abandon, with trust, with no judgement. Simply following curiosity is enough. I gravitated to art journalism because I had a lot of paper memorabilia. I kept all my children’s art scribbles. Working with my daughter Julia’s paper works gave me a feeling of connection and collaboration.
To create paper collages, I would also use her old books. Julia read a lot when she was alive. I would buy boxes of second-hand books for her as Christmas gifts! One of the first books I picked up from her stash was entitled Where Your Wings Were. I used the pages both as collage element and background. Maybe because of the title, I saw images of angels on random paint splatters. I became curious about creating wings with texture. This led to more angels. I then thought that I needed to show these angels to others so that this interest would be sustainable. Baka naman may gustong bumili.
‘Bulong ni Buboy,’ acrylic, paper, modeling paste, 36 x 36 inches, 2025
That patron became Holy Angel University in Angeles, Pampanga. I figured, since they are named after an angel, they would be interested in my subject matter. Serendipitously, we did a short film for them earlier this year entitled Angelite, which won best film and best supporting actress for me in the San Diego Film Festival. The film, directed by Sigrid Bernardo, is about a student of HAU who was chosen to deliver the “angelite” speech at their graduation, and his struggles with his deaf/mute mother. I called Robby Tantingco in July; he said yes, but scheduled the exhibit to open during the premiere of the film, which coincided with the International Day of the Deaf, September 29.
‘Rosaryo ni Wilhelmina,’ acrylic, paper, modeling paste, 36 x 36 inches, 2025
Of Angels and Julia, the exhibit, includes Julia’s poems and some of the benches created by my classmates for our advocacy. Since the exhibit will run until October 20, I knew it was God’s way of granting my wish to commemorate Julia’s 10th year death anniversary through our advocacy. Imagine my feeling of awe when I learned that September 29 was also the Feast Day of the Archangels!
The artist (right) with grief counselor, writer, and friend Cathy Babao, who helped cut the ribbon
During the time I was painting angels, I eventually read up on them. I learned that they do not only watch over us; they intervene and send us messages, especially when we ask them. And since we are each given our own guardian angel, the message to me was clear: We are never alone; we are loved. That felt like a direct message that I wanted to emphasize at the exhibit. So, when one of the possible venues had a raw, bare wall, I knew what to do: write it for everyone to see:
“For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all of your ways.” – Psalm 91:11
I find myself lucky to be an actress and to have an outlet for my feelings, especially during my grief journey. I really use those painful memories to get to those raw emotions. Unfortunately, grief from loss due to suicide is truly complicated, and 10 years later, I continue to doubt myself. Artmaking gives me peace of mind. Maybe this time, by sending me angels on my canvases and sharing God’s words, I will finally be able to forgive myself.
How does it give me peace of mind? You will have to pick up a paint brush and play with paint splatters yourself to find out.
Guests view the paintings at the opening.
They say that we learn more from painful experiences, and out soul matures through pain. Philosophers are right: The only way through is to accept and process the pain. My pain has been a blessing in this way. Julia has led me to advocate through the arts, and that has become my strength.
