Who says only daughters, sisters, or women relatives care for the elderly? That’s a stereotype.
I met the most caring sons in my group of older women who lunch. We are in our 80s, so you can guess the concern among our children each time we announce that we have an event to attend— whether it’s a reunion of sorts for a balikbayan classmate (a must for those who may not have seen her since graduation 60 years ago), a group birthday celebration, a book launch, or just coffee with a friend.
Irene, my classmate from grade school to college at St. Theresa’s Manila, uses a cane. Her eldest son (who must remain nameless as he is shy) drives for her and also fetches two or more classmates in Quezon City. Because the other ladies also use canes, he carefully helps each one to get in and go down the car. We call them the “cane gang.” The titas are forever grateful. “Sa uulitin,” they lovingly tease him.
There’s Googee (Francisco Ney Maquiraya), the late son of Lydia Ney, our high school artist. From BF Paranaque, he used to fetch me in Better Living, then drive us to Quezon City to attend a party, and bring me back home. Since his mother paints, he would carry the big frame of a painting to a condo in Greenhills for a potential buyer. I would be with them and we’d end up having coffee at the Sanso Gallery. Unfortunately he died before turning 40. But his good deeds live long after him. His mother is inconsolable. He was an only child.
Irene is third from right with Portia beside her and Lucas in front.
Portia, another college classmate who used to live in Quezon City (but has since relocated to Laguna), uses a walker. Their van was like a school bus too as her second son Benj would fetch other classmates and the “Cane Gang.” Sometimes he brings his little boy Lucas. who must be wondering why he has many lolas.
Benj and Portia
“That’s Benj—nickname for Benjaminz—my ever faithful, helpful, dutiful son.” In Portia’s words: “He is my banker—manages my accounts, pays our utility bills online, and keeps me abreast of financial trends. Benj even drives me all the way to La Union to visit my older sister.”
Another “rising son” is Mike Villanueva, son of Jazmin, my college classmate. Her Facebook posts show how Mike indulges her whims—like going to a buffet after fasting for blood tests, visits to malls, hotels, restaurants, etc. He is also our occasional photographer.
Jasmin and Mike
Jazmin has nothing but good words for her son: “Mike is single and he stays with me. He is a psychologist. I feel so blessed because he takes good care of me and my needs. I think I will be lost without him. I rely on him to accompany me to the supermarket and the bank (or he does it for me). And now he does my emails (I no longer open my emails.)”
Last but not least is my second son, Gabby, my walking buddy around the village. He was also my travel companion in Jordan and the Holy Land. He readily buys tickets online for plays I want to see, even as far as PETA in Quezon City or Cecile Licad’s concert at the Metropolitan Theater. Since we don’t have a car, we have had many adventures in innumerable rides—in tricycles, vans, P2Ps, MRT, regular taxis, and riding Apps like Grab, Indrive, and recently Green GSM when available.
I used to commute by myself before the pandemic but due to my weak knees, my children didn’t allow me to go alone anywhere. My eldest son Mike drives me sometimes or sends his driver. Then there’s my daughter Mariel who drives me to Sunday Mass.
So much loving care from the boys who, I’m proud to say, we raised as feminists
When I tested positive for Covid, my youngest son Jim, an ophthalmologist,, sent a mobile xray to the house. He also did the cataract surgery on my eyes. So much loving care from the boys who, I’m proud to say, we raised as feminists.
The only one not married in my brood of five, Gab came to stay with me after my mother died. I was still working then but eventually I moved the office to the house and closed it permanently four years later. Gabby would commute daily to his office in Makati. But after the pandemic, he worked from home as a freelance art director.
“I never lived alone,” says Portia. “I stay with Benj, his wife and two kids. Plus having two apos around makes each day excitingly varied and joyful.”
Lucky are the seniors who have family to talk to. Our rants about the national situation and international news over coffee keep Alzheimer’s at bay. Thanks to Gab who would share with me memes both funny and educational. He teaches me how to scan QR codes and navigate some Apps.
Actually when all my children and their spouses come, it is a veritable round table discussion of current events. I miss my late husband since he used to preside over these “meetings.” But when it comes to social media and other new developments, I get lost sometimes, plus my hearing is not that good. I’m just happy to have them around.
My friends all know Gabby, who brings me to wherever we meet and fetches me, just like the other sons like Mike and Benj who all rise to the occasion… especially when their moms are concerned. Thank God for caring sons!
