Last December 30, I attended the annual Dulaang Sibol homecoming reunion. In keeping with the rules and guidelines, this was, of course, done virtually via Zoom. Dulaang Sibol (or Sibol, as we alumni fondly refer to it) is the theater group at the Ateneo de Manila High School founded by the legendary Onofre “Mr. Pagsi” Pagsanghan. For those who know me and might be wondering about my association with a theater arts group in the past, let me just say, “Yes I used to be in show business!”
In the beginning of our virtual reunion, Sibol Batch 2020 shared a video of a montage of archived photos and footages of past performances across Sibol’s decades of existence. These images were made even more memorable by the background music of originally composed Sibol songs. Of course, the one that always stood out among all Sibol songs was Alalahanin, Gunitain, the classic Mr. Pagsi composition from the longest running Sibol play which he also wrote entitled Sinta.
As I listened to the song and as the lyrics flashed on the screen, I caught myself quietly singing along and what stuck with me at that moment were the lyrics:
Alalahanin, gunitain
kahapon natin, sariwain
nang kay lumanay. Agos ng buhay
alalahanin, gunitain.
Nang puso nati’y wala pang galos,
pangarap nati’y wala pang gapos.
Alalahanin, gunitain
kahapon natin, sariwain.
Pagsapit sa ‘tin ng tag-ulan,
taglay ma’y dusa’t kabiguan,
ang gunita ng tag-araw
sa kadilima’y siyang tatanglaw.
Nang Puso nati’y wala pang galos, Pangarap nati’y wala pang gapos
As I looked back on those years in Sibol, indeed life was so much simpler. I was young, full of energy. It was during those times that I discovered hidden talents and gifts I never thought I had. I found myself playing lead and supporting roles in some of our comedy productions and really had a blast making people laugh. I also learned to play the flute and was good enough to be part of our small orchestra.
These personal discoveries, of course, did not come naturally to me. Had I not joined Sibol these wouldn’t have seen the light of day. Surrounded by a very nurturing and empowering community and mentor in Mr. Pagsi, my Sibol journey has taught me to be brave, bold, daring, and to dream big while remaining humble and always others-centered. Mr. Pagsi always impressed upon each of us that the perfection we collectively bring to our script writing, stage and light designing, song composing and arranging, musical instrument playing, acting, singing and back stage managing is our unique opportunity to share our God-given talents and gifts with the audiences we sought to entertain.
There is no doubt that my two years in Sibol were life-changing. Embracing additional demands of preparing and staging flawless theater performances to an already stressful academic load was no easy feat for an average student like myself. I was not the typical Sibolista. Most of the Sibolistas then belonged to the honor sections because Mr. Pagsi wanted to ensure that no Sibol member’s academic performance would be compromised by the demands of the additional work in Sibol. I was from section E, the 5th section of eight sections in our batch. Sections A and B were where the bright boys came from.
But aside from such challenges during my high school life, I could sum up those years as truly grace-filled. I graduated from high school beaming with idealism that I could change the world!
Pagsapit sa ‘tin ng tag-ulan, taglay ma’y dusa’t kabiguan
The next four decades was a different story.
When that fateful day—August 21, 1983—happened, suddenly life became more complex
On August 21, 1983, I was a junior at the Ateneo de Manila University, Ninoy Aquino was assassinated upon his arrival at the Manila International Airport after three years of exile in the United States. As some know, the late Senator Ninoy Aquino was an uncle of mine. He was the husband of former President Corazon Cojuangco Aquino, the younger sister of my mother, Terry Cojuangco Lopa.
When that fateful day happened, suddenly life became more complex. It was no longer just about the challenges of student life. While I was aware of the horrors of the Marcos dictatorship at that time, it was only after my uncle’s assassination that I found myself asking what is it that I must do? If I am asked when my “adulting moment” started it was probably then. Clearly, there was something much more happening beyond the comforts and safe spaces of our sheltered school and home.
Ang gunita ng ating tag-araw, sa kadilima’y siyang tatanglaw.
It was during my college years, therefore, when I looked and moved more outward. I got involved in student activism; protested against the abuses of those times; participated in rallies and marches calling on the dictator step down. These and many other means to change a corrupt and repressive system that had brought so much poverty and misery to many of our countrymen and women.
This involvement went beyond my graduation from the university in 1985. Sometime in November of that same year, for some reason President Ferdinand Marcos decided to seek a fresh mandate amid the growing protest against his administration. This opening eventually led to the opposition drafting my aunt Cory Aquino to run against President Marcos in the snap election he had set. At that time, I was already working for a non-governmental organization (NGO) that was assisting marginalized sectors. I decided to resign and got actively involved in my aunt’s campaign. It was a campaign like no other because the odds were definitely against her, given that President Marcos was still in power and still controlled the whole machinery of government. But as our people fought valiantly and as God willed it, the miracle of the February 25, 1986 People Power revolution pushed the dictator out of office and paved the way for a peaceful and bloodless transition that installed Cory Aquino as the 11th President of the Republic of the Philippines.
Witnessing those very dark times in our country’s history and how we as a people from all walks of life found our respective roles and united to push back against the oppressive regime to its end, has definitely taught me that I cannot remain idle in the sidelines when I am exposed to the need for change.
Nang Puso nati’y muling nagalos, Pangarap nati’y muling nagapos
That was over three decades ago.
Just yesterday, I received a message showing the latest pre-election Pulse Asia survey on Presidential preferences which indicated the second ranking of Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos, Jr., the son of the late dictator. Others are quick to dismiss the survey as inaccurate and flawed and they could have valid reasons and opinions to do so. I, however, would choose to listen to what the survey could be trying to tell me. Because if it truly reflects the sentiment of most Filipinos, then I feel I may be missing out on what a large number of our people are trying to tell us.
So I ask, are our people so desperate, helpless, disempowered today that they’ll continue to settle for strongmen who will just provide for them?
While much has changed in our country over the past 34 years since the EDSA People Power revolution, for a large majority of our people life has not really changed much. Poverty persists, hunger and malnutrition undermine the lives and future of millions of Filipino children, basic necessities like clean potable water remain inaccessible to many, and we find ourselves even more vulnerable to natural and man-made calamities and shocks.
So I ask myself questions like, are our people so desperate, helpless, disempowered today that they’ll continue to settle for strongmen/women rulers who will just provide for them? Have they become vulnerable to well-crafted and executed propaganda campaigns that are full of lies and deceit? Or have they just grown cynical over unfulfilled promises and have reduced political leaders into personalities who will come in and out of their stagnant miserable lives after each and every election?
But I also started asking myself, “What is it that I did or did not do that led to this current situation? Did I do enough with the opportunities given me? Am I also part of the problem? Is there something I also need to change in myself moving forward if I am to be part of the solutions?
Of course, this social-political reality is not the only painful and gripping situation that many of us are dealing with these days. In fact, I believe that the COVID-19 pandemic will continue to be the dominant preoccupation of most of us in 2021. The uncertainties remain and the fear the pandemic brings can be very overwhelming and paralyzing.
But reflecting deeper on what just happened this past year actually revealed so many answers to the questions I was asking myself. It made me more aware of my many shortcomings with my wife, my children, the people I work with, and the broader public I sought to serve. It did make me realize that I am somehow part of the problem in many instances at home, in the workplace, and in society as whole. I had new wounds in my heart and unfortunately discovered that I also inflicted wounds on others.
Gloomy as 2020 has become, it has actually shed light on so many aspects of my continuing struggle to become the better person I need to be.
Alalahanin, Gunitain, Kahapon natin sariwain
There is something about looking back on the past that gives us a better perspective of how to move in the present and in the process shape our shared future. I have come to realize though that remembering and reminiscing cannot just be limited to savoring the happy times of the past.
I have to remind myself that such pleasant moments came only because I also chose to immerse myself in the realities I was in, engage the people around me, and act towards what I discern is the role I need to play in transforming the difficult, painful and dark episodes of my life journey.
Back to our virtual homecoming, we who belonged to the older batches were lucky to be given the opportunity to greet Mr.Pagsi. Since it has been four decades ago, we were not sure whether or not he would still remember us. Of course, we were all happy that he did remember all of us and was even cracking jokes about how some of us have gained so much weight and how surprised he was that we are able to have pretty daughters.
In one of Dulaang Sibol productions during their high school years, the author (far left) with, from left, Gejo Jimenez, Joji Quintos; second row, from left, Edmund Yabut, Gilbert Braganza
In our short, exchange one question he asked me was whether or not I was continuing the work we were doing together? He was actually referring to the leadership formation seminars we conducted for public school teachers under the Ninoy and Cory Aquino Foundation where we would invite him to be main speaker. I did tell him that we are continuing it and I also told him that I am continuing my work with Vice President Leni Robredo and the other NGOs. This made him very happy.
This single question of Mr. Pagsi is actually a question I often ask myself these days though rephrased differently. Should I continue doing what I used to do? Should I continue pursuing the same dreams I had in the past?
I think this is a question many of us are also asking ourselves these days as we encounter and anticipate new adversities in the coming year. I must admit that I am still grappling with these questions and I still do not have all the answers.
However, what has become clear to me is that I can find renewed strength, determination, patience, courage and compassion when I look back on my past and recall the many graces, gifts and blessings I have received. The same graces, gifts and blessings that have become my weapons that helped me overcome the many battles I fought along the way.
Endless trials and tribulations really have a way of weakening our resolve to move on and fight another day. But if we remember and savor the memories of where we drew strength and perseverance to remain faithful to what we believe—how that is our discerned mission, the role we play in the bigger stage of life, then I am quite hopeful that our God who directs all our unfolding stories will make all things well.
Happy New Year everyone!
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